I knew I was gay since I was a very young child. THAT is for another post. This is about the GUYS I’ve had in my life. All trans. “It doesn’t matter but it matters” as Ro-MEYO, one of the guys I’ve had “relations” with has said. They are OBVIOUSLY guys, but its important to MY story to say that I’v never had sex with a guy that was born with the guy parts.
I’ll never forget the 1st time I felt a guy get a hard on. OMG. I love to Dance-so I was allll over those dance floors in high school-but at one of my First dances there, a guys was dancing behind me to a song I’ll never forget and I was MORTIFIED. DISGUSTED. I swore I would never forget him-and I didn’t for a long time-I KNEW him. I walked up to a girlfriend who was sitting a few feet away and I told her and she laughed hysterically.
Its weird that I’m NOT into the “D”- I’m all about instant gratification. And I hate limitations. Its just the way I was made. I would never choose to limit myself .
I am also not one of those lesbians who is like “ewww…I don’t even think guys are attractive at ALL” . I can find plenty of guys attractive-I’m just not interested in what they have to offer. I see pictures of “HOT” guys with their shirts off and shit and it does absolutely NOTHING for me. I don’t even get it. I think a guy is much more attractive with his clothes on-than off. And even then-I don’t have any sexual desires of them. I think about the first gay guy I can hook them up with-or straight female friend.
When I met GUY #1 it was electric. I was drawn to him like a magnet. I am sure I have met plenty of trans guys in the past, but none of them ever caught any of my attention. It was very different with him. It’s still very different with him. He is one of my soulmates. We have definitely met before. This post isn’t about him-thats for another day- but this is about the GUYS. So this is important. I didn’t understand the draw but there was something mutual to it (oh yeah-because we are soulmates) and acted on in a couple months in. He is an incredible lover. My God. We have incredible chemistry in bed. I eventually fell for him. But FUCK ME- I could NOT get past my hangups about him not being a female. It made me fucking crazy. He showed me several pictures of himself when he WAS female and I am not lying when I say I would have made sure he married me and we had a thousand babies. EXACTLY my type top to bottom. I can’t explain the struggle. My heart wanted to spend forever with him-my mind couldn’t agree. I knew I was meant to be with a woman.
I was IN LOVE with him. I was also in another relationship at the time that I could not escape. (Crazy # 3) and I was also involved with several other people physically during our time “together”-because of “The HUNGER”. But I was only in love with HIM. That is where my heart was no matter what mind fuck it was playing on me.
I eventually fucked it all up. This post isn’t about that either. I fucked it up bad. (we are MUCH MUCH better now) but at the loss of that relationship came this insatiable hunger again for stranger sex-not just stranger sex-but HARD. ROUGH. DONT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS ALL OUT FUCKING.
This came at a time when being trans was the new “Cool” in the community. So I met sprinkles of guys everywhere. It was absolutely perfect timing. Sometimes the attraction was extremely physical-because they had impeccable style, and swag and a gorgeous face-and I LOVE that (Who doesn’t) and most importantly, in my OWN experience with guys who have gone through a recent transition, they REAAAAAAAAAALLY have something to prove in bed. There was nothing soft about them because they couldn’t relate to that person anymore-and they were on a mission to prove that they were better than any female that had ever fucked me. Which was usually right. I was having an incredible fucking time-all the while dating a few girls. I was hooking up with some of them also, but girls are so fucking emotional-it was hard enough managing that.
I kept EVERYTHING physical with guys after GUY#1, as soon as anyone showed any interest in anything further it was shut down IMMEDIATELY. I didn’t want to be out and about with guys- it didn’t work with GUY#1 so it wasn’t going to work with anyone. There is something so incredibly hot about being RAVAGED by a guy tho- soo different from my sex life with women. How they can go from incredibly rough to gentle. There is such an incredible give and take- guys love when I just let them be guys and do their magic.
Enter BIBLEBOY. (he will get mad if Boy is in his name but its fine). The attraction was IMMEDIATE. Holy SHIT I thought-when I saw him for the 1st time. Apparently the feeling was mutual because we were HOT and HEAVY within a few hours of meeting. It lasted for HOURS. The only breaks we took were to shower and drink water. I was really proud of my body at that time too-so it worked out REALLY well. I’m a sucker for arms and I could tell immediately that he REALLY gave a shit about his appearance, both physically and in his style. Style is HUGE for me. He dressed like all the girls I was crazy about on Pinterest but could never find outside of LA. He is LA. He kept asking me where I came from because apparently I was a breathe of fresh air for him. He was PERFECTLY selfish in bed. Rough. Wanted me to do very submissive things to him-he LOVED it-which I LOVED. and then he would make sure I was completely satisfied. That was perfect in ways you cant imagine to me. I lived about an hour and 15 minutes from him in no traffic-but hes in LA-and there is ALWAYS traffic-except for late at nite when I would visit him the most initially. “Get your ass down here” “I am willing to cancel anything I have going on tonite and its my aunt’s wedding if you will come and trash my bed with me” (my favorite) “The door is unlocked if you find yourself in the area. I’ll be around..let me know” and It worked that way for a while. I physically NEEDED to have that intimacy with him-and he wasn’t just waiting around for me-he would be out living his life, I would let him know I was on my way, and he would be there with enough time to shower and let me in. He was an incredible gentleman and rough as he can be. Then he started showing up with flowers, and our conversations after sex got longer- questions started to get asked. Who were we ? What do we do? What do we like to drink besides the beer and whiskey he picked up for me .. What do I like to have for breakfast..
We were starting to fall. HARD. I tried to play it cool but I loved being around him. I loved shopping with him-I loved how much he loved to dress up too. (SOOO IMPORTANT) He ALWAYS dressed up for me (SUUUUUCH a big deal). I Started spending my DAYS as well as my nites and my life “With” him was COMPLETELY separate than the scene I was mixed in in the city where I lived. It was perfect. But then I started realizing what was happening again. I was crazy about him, he was crazy about me, but we were in the honeymoon phase (the one I LIVE for) and not in the same place I developed over time with GUY#1 but CERTAINLY serious emotionally-and I stopped it abruptly. There was A LOT going on. I dont remember how but GUY#1 and I re-connected. THE MAGNET was back, and even tho he and I were involved elsewhere (he, engaged and about to marry an ex-roommate/friend) I couldn’t shake it. I was crazy about BIBLEBOY but also felt far away and logical enough that it would just be the same. I wouldn’t be able to get passed the part where he isn’t a woman. AND if I COULD get passed it-it should be the the guy who had my heart.
Amidst my re-connection with GUY#1 and my determination to get him back (CUE: THIS TIME BY JOHN LEGEND) I met Ro-MEYO through a string of guys I was kind of deciding about. GUY#1 was FAR too careful about me for my taste and it was a really sad situation. I wanted him to jump and he wanted me to prove that my wilds were a thing of the past. Ro-MEYO came in at a perfect time. He as EXACTLY my type (ugh) super good looking, incredibly cocky, smooth as fucking butter, TERRIBLY Sweet to me, confrontational, his own kind of wild-and willing to do anything at the drop of a hat-a phone call and he was THERE(I mean..is anything better?). So there I was..talking myself out of LA everyday, in love with GUY#1, engaged, cutting off strings with random guys and girls that were just kinda “there” and partying my ass off almost everynite with Ro-MEYO after my workouts.
Ro-MEYO was perfect timing for me, and TERRIBLE timing for him. He will eventually get his own post too-this isn’t about him specifically. He fulfilled a need in me for availability without attachment (So I thought). He was helping me figure out my next move, helping me get over the fact that GUY#1 fucked up too much with his recent marriage to the ex roomie, and was a safety net for me in my belligerence at that time. He made sure I was tucked in bed every nite. Some nites I would make him stay-it didn’t take much convincing. Some nites went too far-which is the BEST sex for me. When I am just emotionally raw. I felt awful in the morning because I knew it was too much. I could feel him wanting to stay longer and all I wanted was to see him at nite and feel his arms in my hands while we dance inappropriately together and drank way more than we should. He developed a taste for cocaine during this time, and there is something so fucking sexy to me about watching people do lines. He would remove parts of my clothing and and draw lines over the most sensitive parts of my body. Those are some of the sexiest memories I have (I have plenty). Those nites were fire. We ate each other alive .
Its interesting how many relevant people in my life have made the transition since we have met. A girl I SWORE I would marry someday, Sarah, made the transition recently and I was DEVASTATED- I felt like it took away from our love story.
Crazy #3 started the transition a little before she passed. Thats another story.. Another love of mine, Gina…. never saw any of those changes coming.
I still have a close relationship with the main three guys in my life
BIBLEBOY is now a reverend which is incredibly sexy. I get CRAZY at the thought of sitting and watching him give a sermon. Which is why I haven’t. I can’t explain how hot that is to me. Or how hot it would be to SERVICE him behind his alter. We just recently re-connected and are trying to figure this new “friend” status out.
Ro-MEYO is still close. He loses his shit every once in a while. He respects my marriage tho and is very very happy that my relationship is as it is and he doesn’t have to worry about me out in the world and dating.
GUY#1 are as close as we ever were while still staying PG. We also recently re-connected. He was never really out of the picture-but his walls were up SO high to me. He has recently let them down and he continues to be one of the most important relationships in my life.